


Spit It Out

by madamewriterofwrongs



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck is a mess, Discussion of feelings, Eddie doesn't know what's going on, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Miscommunication, Overheard conversation, Pining, Soft Eddie Diaz, Soft evan buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25054396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamewriterofwrongs/pseuds/madamewriterofwrongs
Summary: Feelings are hard. And it's perfectly normal to have a sex dream about your friend, right? And maybe you think about kissing him. And maybe you've been dancing around some romantic feelings for a while. It doesn't matter, though, because you're never going to say anything. No matter how much people are telling you to.In which Buck is a mess and definitely in love with Eddie, even if he came at that realization a little sideways.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 47
Kudos: 377





	Spit It Out

Buck startled awake ten minutes before his alarm was set to go off, chest heaving and flushed. It took another minute of steady, conscious breathing to remind himself of where he was.

_Where the hell had that come from?_

Visions of tangled limbs and soft caresses filled his eyes and he shot from the bed to dispel the memory of his dream.

_Seriously. What the hell?_

The more he stood, half naked in his apartment, trying to focus on the here and now, the more it worked. The floor was cold – _the bed had been hot_ – the light was bright – ­ _everything had been made of strips of light and shadow_ – cars roared past his window – _there had only been the sound of pants and moans_ ­­– his kitchen sink was dripping – _he’d have to fix that_ – his coffee filter was dirty – _he’d have to clean that before work_. He was in his bedroom. Any phantom locations were just that.

_But seriously, what the hell?_

Buck ran a hand over his face as the burn in his cheeks faded away. It was just a dream. Dreams happened and there was no reason to read into them. It was not a reflection of a subconscious desire. It was perfectly normal. Just unexpected. He dealt with unexpected every day. One time, a guy got his whole arm stuck in a toilet because he thought he’d dropped his phone only to find his phone in his hand. It made it convenient for him to call 9-1-1; embarrassing for the rest of his sensibilities.

He ate unexpected for breakfast. Speaking of which, since he was up a little early, he could probably stop by that bakery on 6th street before heading to work. Yeah. That sounded nice.

“Okay” Buck spoke to the universe or whoever was listening. This would not ruin his day. He wouldn’t let it.

He would try not to let it ruin his day.

He would think about trying.

What was he supposed to do?

Since he was stopping at the bakery anyways, Buck figured he’d pick up a box of pastries to share with his fellow first responders; because he was a generally nice guy who liked to do nice things for nice people. Not because he liked the smile on Eddie’s face when he remembered to save a croissant for him, and patted his shoulder a little two gently.

Not too gently, just… too close to the way Eddie had touched him in his dream.

Buck instinctively shifted away to keep the visions at bay and Eddie pulled back when he realized that Buck wasn’t responding well to his touch.

Or too well. It was confusing.

Things settled a little after that. They’d taken a few bites of delicious pastry when the alarm sounded and a few of them held their baked goods in their teeth as they sprinted down the stairs. Who knew when they’d be able to return, so it was better to risk choking in a firehall than miss out on carbs for the rest of their shift.

Buck tried not to focus on the way Eddie’s jaw gripped the croissant – the croissant he’d given him – as he tugged his turnout coat over his shoulders.

That line of observation wouldn’t get him anywhere good.

The look of confusion and a little hurt on Eddie’s face when Buck sat on the other side of the truck was evident to everyone. But Eddie never asked and Buck wasn’t about to offer an explanation, so they all had to deal with one overly observant firefighter and one firefighter desperately trying to avoid observation.

Buck liked working calls. They focused his mind and gave him a goal to work towards outside of himself. When he was out in the field, he was solely focused on helping the person who’d called out for help and nothing else.

Until Eddie gently grabbed his hips to slide passed him as they loaded equipment back on to the truck. Then his mind was drifting to another time Eddie had grabbed his hips – _though it hadn’t been nearly that gentle_ – he hit his head against the engine once before climbing in to his new spot away from Eddie.

 _Just don’t think about it._ How hard was that?

Except, the whole day went like that. Eddie would get even remotely close to Buck and he’d blush and step away. He’d tried to be subtle (after all, it wasn’t fair to non-dream Eddie) but the cautious look in his friend’s eye whenever they were in the same room told him that he was not succeeding.

Buck’s skin was hypersensitive to the presence of Eddie, as well. It wasn’t that their arms would brush at the table, his forearm would leave a trail of fire over his skin. He wouldn’t just lean over to make a snide comment about a story Chimney was telling, he was whispering softly in his ear, something for just the two of them to hear. It was getting ridiculous.

He went to the gym.

The gym was a great idea. He could get in his daily required workout, build up that muscle he was proud of, and maybe burn off the some of the residual energy from last night. That’s all he needed to do: find another outlet for those…feelings to go.

It helped that most of the equipment was unoccupied, the majority of the crew was upstairs finishing up their lunch while they could, so Buck could have some privacy while he maybe went a little too hard on the quad presses. He liked a little privacy once in a while. He could zone out and take his time, really enjoy what he was doing.

The moment Eddie entered his peripheral vision, Buck sat up from the bench and he realized that they were completely alone.

The gym was a horrible idea.

“Are you okay?” Eddie cautiously approached him.

Buck tried not to blush at the steady eye contact and scrutinizing eyebrows. _He’s too pretty for his own good._

He cleared his throat but it didn’t really help his cause. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

Bless whatever universe was trying to give him a break, because Eddie didn’t push. He could have. Buck was sure his face matched the color of the trucks they spent their lives in, and he’d been avoiding his best friend like the plague. If Eddie had pushed for answers, he might have caved. And then where would they be?

_Hopefully with Eddie on top._

_Seriously?_

“You just seem off today.” Eddie was shaking his head but his eyes still watched Buck’s face, like he was looking for a sign of the truth. Could he see the truth on Buck’s face? That he couldn’t stop imagining him in positions that would get him written up for health and safety violations? That the imaginary sex he’d had with his best friend last night had been the best sex of his life? Ever.

He couldn’t.

But Eddie was still staring at him, a soldier’s eye roving over a dangerous target. Right, Buck was supposed to answer with something reassuring Eddie that he was fine. “Didn’t get a lot of sleep.” That was true, at least.

He could feel the heat of his friend’s gaze, which really wasn’t helping him in his quest to act like a normal human being. And maybe it was that pathetic look that made Eddie slap his shoulder before walking away. “Let me know if I can help.”

That did not help.

By some miracle, Buck made it to the end of his shift without entirely embarrassing himself. Throughout the day, he got used to side eyes and hesitant touches, and even the occasional dirty vision, and put all of that energy into his work. He couldn’t worry about Eddie looking at him like he was waiting for Buck to crack like porcelain, because he had to help this woman out of her car. He couldn’t think about how Eddie was strong enough that he could probably pin Buck down if he let him, because he had to focus on pulling the man safely from the edge of the cliff.

Eddie never confronted him again, but he certainly projected the image of worry. Buck felt the twang of guilt in his gut. It wasn’t Eddie’s fault that he hadn’t had sex in so long that his subconscious tried to remind him of how good it could be.

But was that all it was? Some body his mind had inserted to fulfill his need for gratification? He knew dreams were always filled with faces he had seen before – even if it was just in passing. It made sense that if he was going to think up a partner to go down on him, his brain would choose his real-life partner.

 _Work partner_.

Eddie was more than a work partner, though. Right? They were friends – best friends. He loved spending time with him, with and without the job. They had plenty in common but enough separate interests that they were always learning something new from each other. He trusted Eddie with a lot of his personal life and he knew it was reciprocated for the stories Eddie would share about Christopher and his life before the 118. There was a bond between them. They loved each other as best friends should.

Okay yes, Buck had noticed once or twice how amazing Eddie was. He was an incredible father, and his dedication to his job was admirable. He wasn’t blind: the man was, objectively, attractive. That was just a fact. That didn’t mean he wanted to sleep with Eddie. Right?

Those thoughts (and the millions that spiraled after them) kept him occupied all the way to his sister’s house for their biweekly ‘family dinner’. It was usually just the two of them, where they could catch up and talk, without anyone around to judge them for whatever sibling habits they had picked up from each other. Tonight, Buck was incredibly grateful that the Buckley and Han siblings had gone their separate ways. He didn’t need Chimney telling Maddie how off he had been all day.

His body language and wandering mind would do that for him.

“What has you so antsy tonight?”

They were mostly done with their takeout containers, but Buck had zoned out somewhere around the time Maddie started talking about a weird feud that was forming at work between Terry and a new dispatcher that was ‘definitely going to turn into something romantic before Christmas’. Normally, he loved Maddie’s gossip and hearing about the crazier calls she’d taken, but his mind was still so focused on not thinking of what Eddie was doing right now. Was he putting Christopher to bed? Was he already in bed? Was he shirtless?

“Nothing. Just distracted, sorry” he mumbled into his linguini, which had gone cold twenty minutes ago.

 _Get it together, Buckley_.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Maddie’s offer, while incredibly awkward and well intentioned, suddenly seemed like an amazing idea. Or at least a better idea than trying to hold all of his thoughts in his head because that clearly hadn’t been working.

“Maybe?”

“Okay.” And just like that, his sister dropped her own dish onto the coffee table and gave him her full attention. No caveats; just her. She really was a great sister.

As great of a sister as Maddie Buckley was, he was not about to open with ‘I had a sex dream about my best friend last night and now I can’t look him in eye because I kinda want him to do it in real life’. But he could, maybe, perhaps, talk about something else that had been swirling around his brain since he’d woken up. The source of the dream.

“I think I might have feelings for Eddie. Romantic feelings.”

“Yes.” Her response was so automatic Buck almost missed it. But, nope, she’d really just confirmed the feelings he’d been toying with all day – for months really – like it was the most obvious thing in the world. His shock must have been evident because she winced. “Sorry, didn’t mean to sound so casual. I guess it’s just not a surprise?”

“Well it was a surprise to me.” It was one thing to occasionally admire your best friend and wonder how big their penis was – most guys did that, right? It was another thing to wonder if the desire to kiss him went beyond curiosity.

But apparently it wasn’t a surprise.

“What happened?” Right. He’d wanted to talk about it. Maybe saying it out loud to another person would help him make sense of things. Or entirely embarrass him. Either way. Sibling night was usually a time for them to talk about their feelings.

 _What happened_?

“I saved his son from a tsunami.” He still struggled to say the word ‘saved’ but Christopher had insisted that’s what he’d done. “He helped me with my physical therapy after my leg got crushed.” So had a few members of the 118, but Bobby and Eddie had been his favourite visitors. “I defused a bomb with him.” And handled a dozen other incidents after, that which only seemed to cement his bond.

 _We might end up real close._ That’s what he’d jokingly said to Bobby before jumping in a truck with Eddie to pull a grenade out of a man’s leg. That seemed like a cruel, cosmic joke now.

“The well collapse really did it, though. He almost died and I couldn’t think straight. To hear Bobby tell it, I was ‘erratic and irresponsible – but not understandable’. What does that even mean? I barely remember trying to dig him out with my bare hands, but afterwards I just kept thinking: why did I do that? Why did I care so much? Why did losing him hurt so much? And then I had a sex dream about him which meant I couldn’t look him in the eye all day but he was still so concerned about me. And here we are.”

Maddie opened and closed her mouth a few times as she considered Buck’s rambling testimony. He’d definitely just told his sister that he’d had a _sex dream about his best friend last night and could no longer look him in eye because he definitely wanted him to do it in real life_. So that goal had been a complete failure.

The rest of it, though? The rest of it felt good to say out loud; even just a little bit of how much Eddie meant to him. Regardless of any romantic feelings.

Finally, his sister shook her head with a smile starting to form on her lips. Albeit, a slightly disgusted smile. “I’m not even going to touch… that other thing, but the well collapse was months ago. You’re telling me you’re just _now_ figuring out your feelings for Eddie?”

Wasn’t that the million-dollar question. No, he’d realized that he had feelings for Eddie as soon as a drill collapsed on top of him and Buck felt like he’d fallen 40-feet below the earth. But also, yes, he’d never put any sort of words to it. It had just been an awareness building in the back of his mind, nothing he really noticed until he was walking up hot and bothered because apparently, his brain was done building. It wanted to open for business.

“I guess I had a lot to think about.” Beyond admitting that he possessed romantic feelings, there were other things that also weighed on him. “I’ve never dated a man. I’ve slept with them but this is very different.”

“Because it’s Eddie.”

Three words send Buck screeching to a halt in his mental journey. Eddie. Like some all-encompassing word. Eddie, who trusted and cared for him and wanted to be in his life. Eddie, who he was definitely attracted to in a couple of ways. Eddie who had been nothing but good for Buck since the day they met. Eddie who was the best friend he’d ever had, and losing that connection would be devastating.

“He’s my best friend and I won’t ruin that.” His words made the decision for him. “Okay, I will not put that on him to deal with whatever feelings I’m feeling right now. That’s not fair to him.” Why did saying that make him so sad?

Maddie gently reached a hand out to squeeze his. “You’re not going to even tell him?” It felt like an accusation even if her voice was soft.

He wanted to laugh but all his energy was gone. “So I can make him so uncomfortable that he can’t be around me anymore and he eventually leaves? No.”

Maddie held tighter and he focused all of his attention on their connection rather than feeling the ghost of what it would be like to lose Eddie completely. _Just focus on Maddie_. “You know that will never happen. Eddie cares about you too much to hurt you like that.” That was true enough. _But what if it’s not enough?_ She assured him with the same confidence she’d confirmed his feelings. “You don’t know what he’ll say unless you ask.”

“And I never will.” He couldn’t. The ‘what if’s and prospect of an inevitable disconnect were too much for his heart to handle. He could keep a lid on his feelings. Today hadn’t been a good indicator of his skill in that area but with time, he’d be able to forget the desire to reach out and touch Eddie. He could forget how much he loved doing things just to make Eddie smile. He could forget the occasional thought about waking up next to him on a Saturday morning and making breakfast together as some makeshift family. He could forget it all. “I just had to say it out loud once.” He tried to bring a little more strength into his voice. “Now it’s done.”

“Buck”

“And please don’t tell Chim. I’d never hear the end of it.” He really couldn’t handle the others knowing. It would only make things worse.

Maddie held his hand for a long time; at least it felt like eternity to Buck. Her steady grasp was the only thing he could focus on, afraid to look in her eyes and see… sympathy? Confusion? Disapproval?

Eventually, she gave his hand a quick squeeze before releasing him from her grasp. “Okay.” She nodded as she reached for her bowl of tortellini. “For the record, I think you’re wrong. But I’m not going force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

What he wanted to do and what he could do were two very different things at the moment. But it was enough of a reassurance. For now.

“Thank you.” He hoped his smile didn’t show too much of his resignation.

Three days. Buck survived three days. Granted, two of those days had been spent in his apartment or otherwise away from Eddie so avoiding touching him was relatively easy. He was able to hold a text conversation and even stopped by for pizza night with Christopher – though he left as soon as the boy was in bed rather than stay for a drink as he always did. But that was all normal stuff. He’d talked to Eddie, spent time with him; working with him while pretending his heart wasn’t beating out of his chest would be just as easy.

Technically, Buck survived two and a half days.

A few hours back at the station with Eddie and he was ready to fake an illness or maybe switch to the night shift – no, that was too drastic – _something_ to stop Buck from feeling so obvious and exposed. Telling Maddie had only served to make him self-conscious of his actions. Eddie could tell that something was wrong, but could he tell why? Could others see how obviously he was watching his friend from across the table?

How long had he really been in love with Eddie? The ache in his chest certainly didn’t feel like three days of uncomfortable pining. It felt like rocks in his stomach when he wanted to fly away; pulling him apart with indecision. He knew it wasn’t fair to Eddie to tell him about his newly discovered feelings; but now that he knew, Buck was hyperaware of everything – the way he had when Eddie touched him, but with everything. Every word, every look and gesture, he wondered if Eddie meant anything by it or if Buck was projecting his desires. He hadn’t had a best friend in a long time. Were they always this close and this tactile? Where was the line?

To add to his guilt, Eddie had been keeping his distance all day. He wasn’t shutting him out or avoiding him entirely. But, he didn’t sit as close at dinner, he didn’t check in as often, he didn’t smile at him when Chimney made a pop culture reference that neither of them understood. All the little things they’d shared that Buck second guessed, were gone.

 _That’s how it should be,_ he reminded himself. _If he’s not going to do anything about his feelings, they needed to remain work colleagues and friends._

Acting normal while feeling anything but, had proved to be an exhausting task and by the end of his shift, Buck just wanted to go home and drink beer on his couch until he could get a handle on himself. He’d intentionally held back so he and Eddie wouldn’t cross paths in the change room – no sense in adding fuel to what would inevitably become another ill-timed dream – but that meant he was alone as he slipped on his civilian shoes.

Without the eyes or general presence of others, Buck let exhaustion overtake him, and he slumped over the bench.

He was sulking, absolutely, but the flush in his cheeks hadn’t died down since Eddie had held his arm to help him out of his harness an hour ago, so he needed a minute to sulk. He’d brought this on himself, Buck knew that. He’d fallen in love with his best friend, he’d had that weirdly vivid sex dream that put him on edge, he’d decided not to tell anyone even thought he felt like he was wearing a t-shirt that said: ‘Eddie Diaz owns my heart’. This was the consequence; he’d feel tired and conflicted for a while but eventually, he’d adapt and move on. Right?

Not to mention, his mind had shifted from ‘I might have romantic feelings’ to ‘I’m in love’ with remarkable speed. If he didn’t get a handle on this soon, he’d be a goner.

Buck hadn’t even noticed the two bodies boxing him in until someone bumped his shoulder. Sandwiched between Hen and Chimney, he felt even more exposed. They were looking at him with gentle, cautious expressions, like they were approaching a wounded animal that they didn’t want to spook. _Oh god, that’s what he was, wasn’t he._ Normally, he enjoyed the feeling of being close to his friends, a reminder that they were all together and still alive after a particularly rough call. Right now, it felt suffocating.

“What?”

Chimney winced with a pre-apology in his eyes. “Maddie told me about your talk the other night.”

Buck only had the energy to sigh, running a hand through his hair. “The one time I tell her to keep a secret from you” he muttered, making a mental note to have a talk with his sister about what was and wasn’t a secret she could share with boyfriend. Maybe he’d known she would eventually tell someone (out of loving concern, not because she wanted to out him or anything), and maybe a part of him was a little relieved that others knew so they’d be understanding when he finally snapped and needed to switch shifts. But he was still going to have a long talk with Maddie about at least _asking_ him before revealing that kind of personal stuff to his friend.

Knowing where his mind was, Chimney rushed to her defense. “Hey, she held out as long as she could but this is a big deal.”

“What, that I like men?” Buck snorted. He’d never told them outright but it probably wasn’t hard to guess.

“Come on.” His friend slapped his shoulder disapprovingly. But, then, Chimney’s expression softened, returning to that wounded animal approach. “I just haven’t seen you this lovesick and yearning since Abby left.”

So he had been wearing the t-shirt. _Great_. “I didn’t realize I was that obvious.” Lovesick and yearning? Maybe he was already too far gone.

Chimney was shaking his head reassuringly. At least no one was teasing him yet. “You’re not. Honestly, I might not have noticed if Maddie hadn’t told me.” He was relieved? Buck didn’t feel much better.

Hen had been, thus far, silent, keeping a watchful eye on the pair. Buck rolled his eyes to her. “And I suppose he told you.”

She ran a soothing hand over his back. “Chim just confirmed what I already suspected.” What was one more person knowing he was head over heels for his best friend. It couldn’t get any worse.

Buck let silence fall between them. What was he supposed to say? _Glad everyone knows, I’ll see you tomorrow so we can do this all over again._ That didn’t have a particularly productive ring to it. It was all made worse by the eyes of his friends staring at the sides of his face; just waiting. For what, Buck had no idea, but Chimney was definitely raising an eyebrow to encourage him to speak.

But really, what was he supposed to say?

“So?” He finally asked.

Chimney groaned like the answer was obvious. “ _So_ , are you gonna tell him?”

Buck rolled his eyes, throwing his head a little further between his legs. “Not this again.” Maybe if he hid like this, everyone would leave him alone and stop trying to get him to blow up his friendship.

“You’re not going to say anything?” Hen’s hand hadn’t left his back, offering soothing circles against his shirt as if that would ease the ache in his chest.

“Say what?” He grumbled, still firmly locked in his turtle-like curl. “‘Hey Eddie, I know we’ve been friends for two years and we’ve never talked about it, but I definitely don’t think about you platonically and I want more than friendship, so I’ll see you tomorrow, hope you don’t kick me out of your life completely because I’ve made you uncomfortable for not wanting me back.’”

“A little wordy but I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”

Three heads shot up from the bench at the sound of Eddie Diaz in the doorway of the locker room. Not just in the doorway, Buck observed, leaning casually against the doorframe, arms and ankles crossed, and a small smile on his face. _Now was not the time to be thinking about how sexy he was_.

Now was the time for standing abruptly and backing himself against the lockers to create as much distance between them as possible without physically running from the room. It was a nightmare. A little nightmare come to life to torment Buck when he was already feeling awful. Why did the universe hate him?

Buck stared at Eddie, watching his expression for any sign of outright disgust or anger. A gentle rejection, he could handle – maybe; the jury was still deliberating that point – but an outright, vicious breaking of their friendship? Buck had already felt what that was like at Maddie’s and the real thing felt so much worse. “You heard that?” He swallowed the lump in his throat as he waited for the inevitable shattering.

“Yeah.” Eddie’s voice was too quiet to make out much emotion and Buck didn’t _dare_ to look him in the eyes now.

So this was it, the end of their friendship because Eddie had… damn

Buck had laid it all out there. There was no brushing off ‘I don’t think of your platonically’. He willed his head to nod in understanding, already planning his escape route. If they were going to go their separate ways, he might as well start now. “Okay.”

“Are you gonna ask for my response?”

Really? Eddie was going to make him stay and listen to his rejection? Why couldn’t they just walk away and let the distance speak for itself? If Eddie never said it, maybe Buck could imagine that his whole being didn’t want to curl up in bed for a few days.

“It’s fine.” He was aware of just how rough his voice sounded, but he had other pressing matters to think about; namely, running into the woods and never returning.

From the doorway – the doorway where Eddie was leaning sexily and managing to break his heart without doing much of anything – Buck heard a familiar sigh. It was the sigh he sometimes gave to Christopher or particularly stubborn patients who needed to have the truth spelled out to them.

“I also want more than friendship. I want a relationship. Is that _fine_?”

_What the hell?_

_Seriously. What the hell?_

_But seriously, what the hell?_

He blinked a few times but Eddie was still there.

Later, Buck would have to deal with why it never occurred to him that Eddie could want him back, but right now, he was very focused on the fact that Eddie wanted him back.

Eddie _freaking_ Diaz wanted him back, and he had the audacity to ask if it was _fine_?

“Yeah.” He was quick to nod, finding himself a little breathless.

Then the man before him smiled, bright and wide, and Buck got dizzy. Eddie was looking at him, eyes dancing over his steadily blushing face. There was no anger there, Buck realized, not a trace of disgust. His eyes were soft and happy, and that smile was blinding, tongue poking between his teeth. He looked…

He looked the way Buck felt.

And he was ducking his head shyly in a way that Buck had never seen from the man. “Good,” Eddie muttered.

Oh. So Eddie actually _liked_ him. Buck felt like a teenager talking about ‘like’ and grinning like a bumbling idiot. But Eddie wanted him back. He’d prepared for yelling, for ignoring, for walking away; he’d never prepared for this. His heart settled in his chest, quiet for the first time all week, and his face was starting to hurt from fighting the beaming smile. Eddie was staring back with the same expression and it set him off all over again.

Eddie wanted him back.

Great.

Amazing.

Uh.

“Now what?” Buck had never gotten this far in his imaginings – he’d actually dove off the cliff in the other direction – so he had no idea what to expect.

Eddie’s face fell into a state of shock and contemplation. Apparently, he hadn’t thought about it either. At least they had that going for them. Slowly, he curled his shoulders up into a shrug. “Do you want to go on a date?” he offered.

“Yeah.” That sounded nice. A little scary, but mostly nice. “Where?”

“I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it.” Eddie was fighting a smile of his own, and Buck was sure he’d happily die right there on the locker room floor to keep seeing that shy, hopeful look directed at him. It just seemed a little surreal to be looking at Eddie and seeing his emotions reflected back to him.

_If this is a dream, the universe is officially out to get him._

But no, he was still staring at those dark brown eyes every time he blinked. It was real.

“Oh my god, I can’t watch this anymore.”

Buck jumped out of skin at the voice beside him, going so far as to clutch his chest like the women in those Victorian shows he’d never admit to watching. He had genuinely forgotten Chimney and Hen were still in the room. Chimney and Hen had not forgotten; and by the exasperation on their faces, they were over it, already headed towards the other door before Buck could look back at them. Absently, he reminded himself to thank them later. And apologize – though he had a feeling Maddie would be informed of this incident before he got a chance to tell her himself, so maybe he would only apologize to Hen.

The woman in question turned in the doorframe, an accusatory finger waving between the boys. “You two are ridiculous.” Any animosity was quelled by the fond shake of her head and gentle upturn of her lips.

And then they were alone.

Which shouldn’t have been as scary as it was. He had been alone with Eddie plenty of times before, in a lot of more intimate settings than a locker room with glass doors that looked out onto their place of work. But they’d never been alone like this.

The spell had broken a little. The initial shock and delight of ‘I like you too’ was gone, replaced with a steadily boiling excitement and giddiness (though that may have something to do with the fact that he hadn’t had a consistent breathing rhythm, since he’d woken up in a sweat three days ago). His dream might need to be a discussion for another time. There would be many more discussions and many late nights.

 _Because Eddie wanted him back!_ That hadn’t gotten old yet. He really hoped it never did.

And all the while, Eddie was watching him (still leaning against the door like their whole world hadn’t just shifted) a playful expression slowly blooming. “I came down to ask if you were up for drinks with the crew, but now, maybe, I think… we should not be in a group tonight.”

The implications, the softness around his temples, the fire behind his eyes, it made Buck a little bolder.

“Afraid you can’t keep your hands off me?”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Afraid you’ll trip over your words and embarrass yourself.”

Fair enough. “That’s probably more likely.”

“They’re about the same chance.” Buck would never get tired of watching Eddie look at Buck the way he felt inside. It was dizzying. He could stare at him like this forever, he thought.

He should also move, though. Maybe touch him. At least leave the locker room while there was still daylight.

Buck licked his lips as he took a cautious step forward. Then another. Until he was standing a few feet from Eddie. “So…When you say you want more…do you mean…”

“Romance?” Eddie offered. “Flowers and chocolates? Ask you to the prom?” Something like that, Buck quirked an eyebrow in amusement. “I don’t know. I do know that I want to kiss you.” _Yes please._ “Not here ‘cause Bobby would have our heads.” Buck instinctually tucked his chin, because they both knew he would have kissed Eddie here and now if he could. They weren’t that far from the sanctity of the parking lot. “But…” Eddie’s eyes slowly dragged down Buck’s body and he found himself locked in place by the desire in his gaze. “I definitely don’t think of you platonically.”

“Oh thank god.” Buck grabbed his knees as the wave of relief hit his stomach that he didn’t know he needed, shooting up when he realized how bad that might have sounded. “I mean”

Eddie cut him off with a crinkled smile that made him weak in the knees all over again. “Come on.” He followed when Eddie nodded his head towards the exit. Towards their trucks parked next to each other as they always were, towards the freedom of the daylight where they could be themselves, towards the future they hadn’t yet established together.

Buck trailed after him, even without knowing the destination. He’d always follow Eddie.

“Where are we going?”

“Don’t know yet.”

But they would go together.

**Author's Note:**

> I swear, this was supposed to be a fluffy little piece. It got away from me slightly but I promise, next time, there will be fluffy bunnies. Maybe.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed and as always, kudos/comments are greatly appreciated.
> 
> Check out my tumblr [madamewriterofwrongs](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/madamewriterofwrongs/blog/madamewriterofwrongs)


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